Marriage is a crucial phase in our lives. Most of us find it difficult to adjust to the changes in post marriage. Having disagreements or conflicts in terms of habit or way of living with your spouse. But certain habits can act fatally for your marriage.
But no problem doesn’t have a solution to it. Although the first step to solving any problem is to acknowledge it.
Here are certain habits that you should change as soon as possible.
Addiction
Any type of addiction is not only harmful at a personal level but also for your marriage. Being addicted to things like social media, gaming, alcohol, drugs or for that matter even shopping too much can weaken the strongest of marriages.
You need to understand and prioritise either your addiction or your marriage. Addiction can lead to regular quarrels between you and your spouse. Make sure if your partner has issues with it you see the counsellor as soon as possible.
Expressing contempt
Couples who express contempt are at a higher risk of landing into a situation of divorce than couples who are respectful towards each other. Contempt occurs when you are behaving bitter with your spouse and haven’t acted through the resentment and frustration prompted by idealistic anticipations or erroneous assumptions about marriage.
Good marriages can prosper only when couples are honest with each other. There is no hidden anger perpetuating in the relationship.
Being Dishonest about finances.
Being completely transparent about finances right after marriage is a tough habit to develop. It is difficult to talk about finances with your partner, but money becomes the biggest issue in a relationship.
It is important to be crystal clear about whether you want to save or spend the money. You should sit and discuss your future financial goals in terms of home, retirement and children. Money is a major reason behind stress in a marriage. If any of the partners are financially irresponsible it can lead to mistrust in the marriage.
Abusing your partner.
It is common to get angry in between fights. You often end up saying hurtful things. But if emotionally abusing your partner is regular in your relationship you must mend your ways. Some people also have a habit of threatening or pushing their partners in the middle of a fight.
Hitting your spouse is an extreme which you should avoid at any cause. It may lead to divorce. If you are someone who is in an abusive relationship, you must take help.
Neglecting Intimacy
Couples are usually excited to live with each other post marriage. There is a change in the way they lived before.
They get a partner to share every moment of their life. This is a phase where your partner expects to build great intimacy. No one would want to be intimate with their partner when they are frustrated, angry or tired.
But avoiding it all the time may frustrate your partner. HeShe may slowly drift apart from you. So, if you have intimacy issues hovering in your marriage, talk with your partner and fix it.
Dirty Fights
Occasional fights are common in any relationship. But fighting on an everyday basis and taking it to the edge each time is extremely unhealthy.
This usually occurs when you are more concentrated on putting up a fight and winning rather than communicating your right feelings with your partner. Do not keep going below the belt each time you fight.
If you frequently show criticism towards your partner, you are skating on very thin ice in your marriage.
Zero comprises
If you and your spouse can never come to a mutual agreement then your marriage will soon hit a rock bottom. If one partner controls the relationship in every way it would get very difficult to maintain a balance in the relationship.
If “my way I highway” runs through the marriage, it is serious trouble. Both partners should compromise on their demands so that the needs of both partners are met.
Communication gap
It is not easy to build great communication right after marriage. To avoid a communication gap in the latter half of your married life you should start working on it from the very beginning.
When the state of the marriage is never discussed, the room is created for bitterness to build as one or both spouses begin to feel “missed” or unsatisfied in the relationship. When a fluid conversation is maintained regarding the health of the marriage, it will be easier to identify.
Disinterest in the Events of Your Spouse’s Day or Week
Whether it’s actual disinterest or a level of busyness that keeps you from revealing your interest, spouses can grow distant when they stop hearing what is happening for one another while they are apart!
Make the time to ask how your spouse’s day at work or with the kids went. Maybe this takes place at dinnertime or while you’re getting ready for bed, but remaining invested in hearing about your partner’s day will prevent you from feeling like strangers in your relationship.
Belittling Your Spouse
When we make verbal jabs at our spouse, we are slowly deconstructing the safe and supportive environment a marriage should be.
Oftentimes, these belittlements come in the form of jokes but, at their core, they simply are not funny. Words carry weight, especially when they are belittling words coming from the person who is supposed to build us up.
Over time, the words you and your spouse exchange will grow in bitterness rather than kindness.
Mismanaged set of priorities.
Your spouse should come before your children, your job, your ministry, or your friends. Our pursuit of God first and foremost will lead us to pursue our spouse with His love and selflessness.
Any priority that comes before God and spouse will almost immediately become a wedge in your marriage. This will require sacrifice; sometimes your work or friendships will have to be put aside for the sake of your marriage.
Where do you think your spouse is on your list of priorities? Where would they say they land in your priorities? Are a few questions you need to start asking yourself.
Projecting your bad day on your spouse.
Having a bad day at work or in general is quite common. But that’s not a good excuse for picking a fight. When you’re cranky and out of sorts, it’s your responsibility to be aware of that and ask for some extra space, or find a way to take care of yourself, Tessina says.
Let your partner know that you had a difficult day. They might step up and be more thoughtful and considerate than usual.
But if you’re always cranky, take a look at your lifestyle, and figure out what you need to improve.
Do not indulge a third person in your fights.
It’s common to have differences or fights but the problem arises when you discuss them with a third person. Even if you’re close to your parents and siblings, draw a line when it comes to discussing your married life.
When you get married, you’re starting your own family and your spouse comes first. That includes spilling private information to your family about your husband or marriage or siding with them over him.
Independence
While it’s good to have space in your marriage it is necessary to keep your partner informed about your day. It’s healthy to have separate interests. But you and your spouse are still a unit.
To be functional, you have to communicate and work together. You and your partner should constantly talk about how you are spending your time and resources and make sure that you’re “in the loop” with one another.
Annoying Behaviour
Numerous annoying habits can get under some people’s skin, and end in terrible fights. We can laugh about it, but the truth is that if you have enough annoying habits that you don’t even try to address, they can push your spouse away from you emotionally.
When your spouse communicates that there is something you’re doing that they don’t like and you ignore it, you’re essentially saying that you don’t care about their concerns.
Dishonesty
We often think that we are protecting our partner from getting hurt by keeping little secrets from them. The problem arises when one of these secrets comes into the light.
The trust in the relationship is immediately eroded. Dishonesty is never worth it, no matter what the size of the secret.
